So I need to type in English as don't know how to change language at my new iPad. Yee! This is a change. Like a step forward. Like a new beginning. I know it sounds ridiculous, but it doesn't really matter I announce a new beginning every week. I write what I think. And what I feel now is that buying an iPad is the step, really significant one. 

It means I finally make my own decisions and I don't need support every time I'm not sure. It means that wrong decision is better than no decision, and there are no wrong decisions, actually. That making decisions that is 'good enough' is the best and that makes life easier.

I'm learning to be confident about what I feel now and focus mostly on my feelings in this exact moment. I am learning that thinking about future in really long distance is wrong because I will change and what I think and want will change as well. So there is completely no point in planning my future apartment because 1) I gonna change my style of life 2) I gonna like different colors/furnitures 3) I gonna need different amount of space (maybe have a dog instead of husband and friends instead of children) 4) I gonna move to different country/city/ continent and MANY more...

And I can say something like that about everything! And I can repeat that over and over... So it is time to move on, from planning to actually acting and not doing 'what I think I gonna want in my future' but focusing on what I want right now :) 

I had once (hahah once...) situation that I bought something 'for future' and never used it... For example tights I bought in England when I went for Erasmus. I bought plenty of pairs! They were so nice and cheap- exactly the ones I wanted. And the quality was fine. There were so many I could use them for 3 years... And guess what... I didn't wear them... At all... I changed my style, I moved to different place and I couldn't take them with me... It was such a waste of money (there were cheap, I mean one pair was cheap, not 20....) and time (shopping costs time!!!!) 

And I could list situations like that but there is not a point of doing that... Lesson learned :) time for doing what I exactly want now, buying what I exactly need now and being happy :) that is even more that what I need. 

I am curious if I am able to stop buying. Like really think about my shopping list. Doing that consciously , being aware of all marketing stuff and make decisions quickly. That would be a good lesson :) funny thing is I don't do that because I am afraid I gonna miss something. Like suddenly an amazing dress will appear in front of me and stupid me will miss the chance to buy the masterpiece. That is surprising how irrational I am (sometimes).

One more thought... It is way better to fail than wait whether to fail or not. It is a way better to roll the dice and just make the decision. I would buy Samsung instead of iPad, go to cinema instead of theatre or work in McKinsey instead of BCG... SO WHAT?!? That is not really THAT important. List things that are the most important for you and make the choice that fill your requirements. If that doesn't work, make wages and calculate which choice you should make. If still nothing, roll the dice. That is all. The whole problem of making decisions has been solved.

Tomorrow is a new day. Will start 'what should I wear', even though my mind knows that every option will be wearable :)