I just would like to have everything. And have a thousand different lifes to live. And each of them precisely plan and make amazing. Do not know what wrong with me that I am not enjoying my life enough, exactly as I would like. I do not know why I do not manage my life the way I want. And I do not know why I do not accept things around the way they are.

It is like a big shout. To my mind. To my soul. To stop doing everything. And start setting priorities. I am so good at theory. So bad at practice. So much require from myself, so few things I do. And too ideal I want to be. And so unusual. So "no me" I am trying to be that my life is just no mine. I dream about moving somewhere by myself for a while. When all decision, all things I do, come from inside of me. But the truth is that actually I can do it here. Cross things I do not have influence on and just live with those I have. I would like to have MY point of view on movies, plays, concerts, musics, food, ... but so often I am just trying to suit. To the situation. To people. To atmosphere. That's a mistake. That's the biggest error ever. 

I have a task for myself- before doing whatever I will be asking myself if that is really the thing I want to do. I waste my time so often. I spend my time reading thousands tons of posts every week- and do I really want to spend my time reading other ppl' opinion about make up for whole of my life? Or how do they spend their time instead of spending mine? [that was good] Sure- sometimes, when I need to check something/ buy something/ go somewhere. But every minute? Sure, NO.

Why I do not put clothes I love and I do have, on me? And I choose "save version" which is not my favorite? Why I want my life to look interesting for others? Oh, come on. That the most stupid thing EVER. Interesting for others? Who cares? The life must be life I want to be in. ME!!!! Nobody else! So next task: write down a few days from your "the best version" of your life. I do not mean tanning on The Canaries (btw. there is windy- not always perceived as a paradise, and on Bali you sweat all the time and are huge spiders- the same), but I will take my normal life+ all normal tasks (working, commuting to work, cooking, eating, cleaning, washing myself + dishes, washing up and all others) make them nicer [I will be doing that for the rest of my life- is there any way to like them?] and with the rest of the time DO WHAT I REALLY WANT TO DO. Simple as that.

"Do I really want to open this website again?" "No"

The best thing is that nobody knows what I want but me. So leave all opinions alone, and spend some time with yourself thinking about your life. And answering on hard question- you know answers. Just find them.