As it is quite easy to observe, the main word above is 'should'. Not 'want/ desire/ need', but the killing and sad 'should '. When it appears in my mind, I feel tension straight away, I feel not ready and unprepared. I have an impression that my life is not good enough, that I could do thousand things to make it better (I should do thousand things to make it better). 

To avoid procrastination and to have the life I want to have, I am trying to change the word 'should' to 'want'.

What do I want to do now?

It still cause a little bit of overwhelming feeling- there is so many things I can choose from, but that simple change make me feel that I am capable of leading my own life, that my choices are mine and they are right.

So for the next month I will be practicing the skill of 'wanting to do now'. I am trying to build a habit of asking myself 'what do I want to do now?'. And it is not about doing only things that make me feel pleasure. It is also about things that make me be the person I want to be, to do the things that direct me into direction of the life I want to have.

So what do I want to do now? Maybe go out of the bed and do some yoga? :)

W głowie magluje się myśl, że trzeba skupiać się na priorytetach, mnóstwo szczytnych idei krzyczy swoją fajnością obiecując zmianę życia na lepsze...

I ciężko jest powiedziec cokolwiek. Oprócz tego, że najlepiej jest teraz. I że lepiej wyjść na dwór i się zmoczyć niż siedzieć i sprawdzać, czy będzie padał deszcz. Na telefonie.

Życie 'z doświadczeniami' ubogaca. Życie pełne nowych rzeczy sprawia, że chcę jeszcze więcej. 

Jest dobrze, bo czuję, że rosnę. Jest dobrze, bo widzę, jak dużo we mnie się zmienia. I jest dobrze, bo lubię być sobą :)

I made the mistake at work- I used to work only, instead of working and spreading the word (many words) about the job I do. I used to focus on things that are important for the end users. And, actually, this is the one part. The second, equally important (or maybe even more important- still it is so hard to believe!) is telling people about my work. Showing, putting on cc... I have some problems with prioritizing my tasks. It should work the way: task & call to manager (1st, 2nd and 3rd)... Telling about all obstacles,plans for future, showing how much I do... Every small thing I do..

But it is not the thing I want to write today about. I want to show the analogy. The situation at my work I described is a wery good analogy to living a life and the reflection about it.

I need to work and then reflect it somehow, show on my managers objectives, goals, plans. And it is the same with life and all things that go around. There is so many of them, piles of things I do, feel, experience... And it is a big mistake, when all those things don't reflect on my life. Because the truth is, they are. Everything I do, I think, changes something, makes influence. And it is a good thing to understand the dependencies. Sometimes it is good to be spontaneous and just go, without thinking too much, it teaches you to be good with uncertainty.

But it is also very good, I would even say mandatory, to think about all those actions, activities, things that happen in order to understand their influence on my life. Without that it is like trying to make the ball bigger in all possible directions (Oliver Emberton;)) and wasting too much energy, or time. Don't get me wrong- obviously it is not necessary to make your life shaped and planned completely. It is just good to understand the influence of what happen on my life. It is good to think about things that make me smile, feel important, feel satisfied, feel independent, feel crazy, feel loved, feel happy. As well as to know what things cut my wings, make me feel like I am the worst, ... It is a way to discover toxic relationships and just activities I don't like so much. And find those that make my life the best and the most suitable for me.